School Jokes

Boy: Will you punish me for something i didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not!
Boy: Good cause I didn't do my homework!

It was the last day of school, and all the students were bringing
presents for their teacher. A florist's daughter came up and gave her
teacher a box.  The teacher said, I'll bet these are flowers!” The girl
replied, “How did you know?"  "Just a lucky guess,” she said.
Next, a boy whose family owned a candy store came up and gave the
teacher a box. She said that she knew it was candy. When the boy
asked how she knew, she again said, “Just a lucky guess.”
Finally, a boy whose father owned an off-licence came up and gave
the teacher a box, but one of the box's corners was damp from a
leak. The teacher asked the boy if it was wine. The boy said, “No.”
She touched the leak and put it to her tongue and asked if it was
champagne. The boy again said no.
Finally, she gave up and asked him what was in the box.
He said happily, “A puppy!”

In class one day, the teacher pulled Johnny over to his desk after a
test, and said, “Johnny I have a feeling that you have been cheating
on your tests.”
Johnny was astounded and asked the teacher to prove it. “Well", said
the teacher, "I was looking over your test and the question was,
‘Which king had six wives’, and the little girl that sits next to you, Mary,
put ‘Henry the Eighth,’ and so did you.”  “Well," said Johnny,
"everyone knows that.”
“Well, just wait a minute,” said the teacher. “The next question was,
‘Which king burned the cakes?’ Mary put 'Alfred The Great' and so
did you.”  “Well, I read the history book last night and I remembered
that,” said Johnny.
“Wait, wait,” said the teacher. The next question was, ‘Who was
queen at the time of the Spanish Armada?’ Mary put ‘I don't know,’
and you put, ‘Me neither’.”

The telephone rings in the head teacher's office at a school.
"Hello, this is Sandhill Primary," answers the head teacher.
"Hi. Jimmy won't be able to come to school all next week," replies the
voice.
"Well, what seems to be the problem with him?"
"We are all going on a family vacation," says the voice, "I hope it is all
right."
"I guess that would be fine," says the head teacher. "May I ask who is
calling?"
"Sure. This is my father!"

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