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| For Posterity We've Kept The Original Text of The Buki Akib Conspiracy For those of you not in the know: Buki Akib played Josie Jump in the first few series of Balamory and then vanished to be replaced by another actress (Kasia Haddad). And when we say vanished, we mean vanished. Now, I'm not famous, I run a tiny toy shop in the West of Scotland. I never appeared in one of the nations favourite TV shows, however even I can raise 300-odd hits on Google. The strange thing is, other than sites about Balamory, there is not a single article about Buki ANYWHERE. Try it for yourself. Search +Buki +Akib -Balamory. The smattering of sites you get are either nothing to do with her, or are about Balamory even though the word Balamory doesn't appear. Sinister or what? A nationally famous celebrity has disappeared. OK, so she was possibly the worst actress ever to appear outside the adult film industry. However, the blame must lie partly with the producers. They cast her as a fitness/dance/PE instructor despite her obvious lack of any interest in physical activity. (The part of her theme song where the goalkeeper has to jump out of the way to allow her to score a goal is one of the great TV moments - I get the impression that even that was Take 42.) But that aside, what happened to her? According To A Show Insider Around the middle of the Balamory run, post-op bus driver Edie McReadie, finally reached the end of her tether with Josie's lack of talent and made complaints to the authorities. PC Plum, after investigating, arrested her outside of Pocket and Sweet's for Crimes Against Acting. A Kangaroo Court was quickly convened in the Nursery, with local toff and land owner, Archie The Inventor presiding as judge. After hearing evidence from the other cast members, she was sentenced to Death By Hoolie (a process too frightening to describe on these pages). She is now buried in the Balamory Nursery Garden and ever since, the embarrassed BBC have been trying to cover up the shameful events of that day. Answers I don't know about you, but I demand answers! I'm starting a campaign to establish THE TRUTH ABOUT BUKI AKIB. What can you do to help? 1) If you have any information, no matter how trivial it may seem, please pass it on to us. You never know how much it might help. Or if you have another wild conspiracy theory about what happened, that we can use to cause mischief around the web with, feel free to send us that too. 2) Make a donation to the 'What Happened to Buki Akib?' campaign. I'm trying to raise enough money to get Phil off of Time Team to excavate the Balamory Nursery Garden looking for the body. 3) Write to your MP. If enough of us do it, there will have to be questions in Parliament. 4) Stand outside BBC Scotland HQ with a placard reading 'Buki Akib - You Can't Hide The Truth'. Please note that if you claim to have seen her, or know her, you will be treated with the same scorn as people who claim to have seen Elvis and Bob Marley enjoying a KFC together. We know you are lying. Main Balamory Page |
| This article was written by Duncan Conner. When not annoying television executives, he runs Bus Stop Toy Shop and sells some great toys for kids of all ages. Why not have a glance around the main Bus Stop Toy Shop website while your here? Better still you can sign up to our monthly newsletter (details at the top right of every page) and keep up to date with the very best in toys. If you enjoyed the article, you can share it with others from your blog/facebook/twitter/bebo/myspace/etc by copying and pasting the following code: <a href="http://www.busstoptoyshop.com/thebukiakibconspiracy">The Buki Akib Conspiracy</a> |
| BREAKING NEWS - Buki Akib spotted alive and well With thanks to an eagle-eyed reader, we can bring you the joyous news that after several years of this page being here (and around 50 000 readers who were interested enough in her fate), we can finally confirm that Buki Akib has been spotted alive and well. With more than a touch of irony,after spending several years wearing a yellow tracksuit, Buki now appears to be plying her trade as a fashion designer. We wish her well in her new venture :) Now, if anyone can supply us with the tale of her daring escape from the dungeons of Archie's Pink Castle, we'd love to hear the story... |